Bellevue

I'm sitting home, by myself on a Saturday night watching House... alone... There could be a million reasons why I'm sitting home alone watching TV on a night like tonight, but none of them are good reasons. The main one being that I'm single, and I don't feel like leaving my house just to talk with other single women about being single. My friend J wanted to go to a salsa club tonight... I don't dance. Well, that's not true... I don't like crowds of people and I don't like random creepy guys trying to talk to me or dance with me. Granted I'm not a very pretty girl and I could stand to fix a few things about myself, but I am a girl none the less and I'm not unfortunate looking so every once in a while I get hit on by guys. I am some guys type in a way. I'm short, have curly brown hair, and brown eyes... There are guys that go for that.

I'm not the going out type at all really. I'd much rather hit a bar or a karaoke place than go to a club. Nashville is a good city for a person like me. Tons of bars to hang out in, bars where I do not have to talk to anyone if I don't want to but can if I do. Sometimes, I'll go to a coffee shop by myself with a book and read. I like being in public, I don't always like being with people. I could go to a coffee shop tonight if I really wanted to... But I don't. I'm funny that way. I don't want to be alone, but I do.

I've spent a lot of time by myself over the past two years. Well, that's not all together true. N and I broke up two years ago. Before we broke up I spent almost all of my free time with him. I miss that. I miss having someone to spend all of my free time with. Sometimes, when he would get off of work, he would have me meet him at his apartment out in Bellevue and we would drink and watch one of 3 movies and then brush our teeth and go to bed. Brushing your teeth with someone is a very intimate thing to me. It's something personal that you don't normally do with other people. Something you do by yourself when you wake up or right before you go to bed. Being there in his apartment with him, getting ready for bed, I felt like we were on our way to getting married. I didn't live with him per se, but I did sleep every night at his apartment, had a tooth brush there, and forgot enough clothes there that I really didn't need to bring any with me.
I spent my freshman year of college in that apartment. Sometimes, I wish I was spending my time there now. But not really. I just want to be spending my Saturday night with my boyfriend, drinking vodka sours, watching our favorite movies, and then going to bed. It doesn't need to be N. It could be anyone. But sometimes, on nights like tonight, when I'm home alone in my parents house, waiting to go back to my apartment in another city, I wish I were back in Bellevue, with a drink in my hand quoting lines from a crappy movie I have seen a hundred times, with the guy I've been brushing my teeth with since I was 19.