Giving You Space

sms (R): Are you dead?
(Me): What do you mean am I dead?
(R): I haven't heard from you in days... I thought you might be mad at me or you died.
(Me): Were you worried sweetpea?
(R): A bit.
(Me): Aw that's sweet. I was being less available to you... I felt like I had been trying too hard to talk to you, so I was taking a break.
(R): Can you call?
(Me): Now?
(R): Yeah...

So of course I called... And we talked... For over an hour we spoke on the phone and the dynamic has changed between us. It's not the same. Part of this is because I forget I'm not his girlfriend and I have no claim on him. I know this sounds stupid. I mean, there is no reason why I should feel like I have any right to stake claim and I have no right to be jealous of any woman he may have in his life and yet, because I feel jealous, invisible, and for some reason jilted, I've complicated what was once the perfect friendship... I mean, he didn't help things, but if I had just kept my mouth shut, we would be able to talk about stuff and I wouldn't feel hurt, because he wouldn't know how I feel and things would be ok. The only down side to this idea is that he would have never kissed me... But I can't change what's happened...

I wasn't just mad at him you know? I was mad at myself. I was mad at myself because I felt hurt over nothing and because he should be a big deal. Nothing I say to him about my life bothers him. I mean he doesn't like it when I talk about sex, but it doesn't really bother him. It bothers me when he talks about db's. Not because I want to ever be db3... I don't. I wanna be the Rachel to his Batman. Without the dying part. I wanna be the Lois Lane to his Superman. The MJ to his Spiderman... You get the picture. But I'm not the leading lady, his cursory interest in me is superficial at best, but I was trying to play the role.
In order to get back to my Alfred role I've been giving him space. Not so much for him as for me. I'm giving him space so that I can remember to stay true to my role... Alfred. He could be my silver spring, but she's pretty... And she loves him and baby I don't wanna know.



You could be my silver spring...
Blue-green... colors flashin'
I would be your only dream.....
Your shinin' autumn... ocean crashin'...
Don't say that she's pretty...
and did you say that she loves you...?
Baby I don't wanna know.

So I'll begin not to love you...
Turn around, you'll see me runnin'
I'll say I loved you years ago...
And tell myself you never loved me... No...
Don't say that she's pretty...
And did you say that she loves you...?
Baby, I don't wanna know... Oh no...
And can you tell me... was it worth it...?
Baby, I don't wanna know...

Time cast a spell on you... you won't forget me...
I know I could've loved you but you would not let me...

Time cast a spell on you... but you won't forget me...
(I was such a fool)
I know I could've loved you, but you would not let me...
(Give me one more chance)
I'll follow you down 'til the sound of my voice will haunt you...
(Haunt you)
You'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you